The tats are gettin bigger. The clothes are gettin smaller. The heels are gettin taller. Baby I’m a baller.

Lost you at baller, didn’t I? Too much?

Thinking my new look was too much were the ladies at the shi shi poo poo jewelry store I went to today. The one in the Neighborhood of the Exaggerated Syllables.  “I’m loooking for a pressssent for my dauuuughter.  It’s her birrrrthday on Saaaaaaturday.” Why do snotty rich people drawww out their worrrds?  We get it. You have money. You have nowhere to go, nothing to do. I’m in a hurry. Speed up the cadence, bitch!

I walked into the store and professionally dyed blonde heads turned. Botoxed brows tried to furrow. Dyed to match lemon haired demon spawn openly gawked. Shut yo mouth before you catch a fly, child! Didn’t your mama teach you any manners or was she too busy schtupping her trainer on the tennis court to care?

Stereotyping is fun!

I KNOW my look doesn’t fit in that world. I KNOW I stand out. I KNOW if you’re covered in a big ass dragon or spider tattoo with a double nose piercing and a shirt that says you like to break people’s faces that perhaps, just perhaps, it might get some looks. Maybe even looks in askance. It may even frighten/fascinate small overindulged children. I get it. But day-um! I was NOT prepared for how powerful that felt!!

Scaring rich people is fun!

Loved loved loved that in this yupscale boutique I found a jeweled spider hair clip with matching spider earrings and an adorable pinup red polka dot bow clutch. Who knew?  Who knew there’d be Just Jaden finds in a land where everyone talks slowly and looks like everyone else? “All white people look alike.” Nah, just the rich ones. Seriously, the world doesn’t need another blonde in a white polo and pink palm tree dotted capri pants. Someone has sex with that.

Being crass for the sake of an easy laugh is fun!

Eh, we all judge each other based on looks. We’re people. It’s what we do.

I just believe I look a hell of a lot more interesting than the Generics. My life is a hell of a lot more interesting. I know this because people who are content don’t waste their time gawking and whispering and attempting to raise their eyebrows at people they don’t understand. They don’t have to. They’re too busy enjoying the experience.