I’m not a normal mom. Weirdo moms have wierdo kids. Here’s a look into our Saturday night and how MMA has taken over the household.

My five year old daughter asked if she could practice her ground and pound on me. Already we’re in unusual territory for most five year old girls. And I said sure, beat me up, daughter! And again, unusual territory for most middle aged moms. Ground and pound is when one fighter has another pinned on the ground and is pounding them with their fists. Mmm swelling and blood. What a fun way for a mom and daughter to bond on a SAturday night.

Miss Boo goes for the take down. I “fall” to the floor. Boo gets on me and starts pounding me with her fists as hard as she can. That kid is small but damn is she strong! I tell her so and that she’s too much for me and I’m going to tap out. That’s when a fighter taps the other fighter to signal they can’t take any more and the other fighter wins. Boo punches harder while yelling, “I AM THE ULTIMATE FIGHTER!!!”

That’s when I tap her on the leg. Boo yells, “I don’t care about your tap out!” And the kid keeps punching me!  Miss Boo is a maniac!  I tell her there’s nowhere to go in this fight. I tapped out. She won. Isn’t she happy she won?  No, she wants to keep punching. I tell her you can’t beat a dead horse but she insists she can and she will.

Finally Boo jumps up and I tell her it’s time to declare her the winner. I raise her hand in the air and shout that Miss Boo, “THE DARKNESS” (her chosen fight name) is the winner! I then pretend I’m a fight reporter for TV.  I ask her how it was to fight The Ultimate Mutha? Boo replies, “Good.”  I ask if she was worried about her mother’s strong wrestling?  Boo replies, “Good.” I ask if she got hit in the head during the fight?  Boo replies, “Never!” I then congratulate her on her win and wish her well.

That’s when Boo pulls her right arm back and lands a (pretend) punch on my jaw. She does a celebration dance for knocking out the TV fight reporter. Then she looks around the octagon, wondering who she can take on next.

Our house is a very very very odd house. But is sure is fun!

Miss Boo was moved up a grade. I know, it’s controversial. Ooh ahh, everyone has an opinion.  When the lady who heads the gifted program, the woman who teaches the kid, and the principal of the school all agree it’s what’s best for the child, you put all those black and white parenting rules aside. It’s a gray area and in Boo’s case, it’s a lot of gray matter that needed more stimulation.

I was a nervous wreck. Boo went from bringing home coloring pages to pages filled with words to study for her spelling test. And math. Which is when my brain shuts off and I want to work on coloring pages. I tell Matt he cannot die because who would help the girls with their math homework?

Boo is now excited about school. She comes home telling me about nouns and verbs and silent e’s and reading anything you put in front of her. Her teacher said Boo is so smart and catches on quickly and we really did do the right thing.

So shew! Another intense parenting decision made for the greater good of the kid. A kid who is now crossing over to THE SMART SIDE.  JunaBug following shortly. And Avie? She’s currently dancing naked around the room singing about butterflies.

THAT I understand.

I swear, I am going to update this thing with a real post eventually. You know I’m in training to become the next Missouri housewife Ultimate Fighter, right? Look out Strikeforce! I’m your next champion!  It’s no longer MMA. It’s M.M.Jaden!

No, for real. I have a mixed martial arts trainer now.

Stop laughing.

Obviously I have a lot to tell you but little time to type. I’ll return as soon as I can.

Photo by Miss Boo. Taken a month in the future? The date setting is wrong on her camera. In this pic I am leaning over a trash bag, packing away all the clothes that no longer fit thanks to losing 33lbs since July. 50 more to go and I’m joining a fight club! No seriously. Stop laughing. Or come closer so Mutha can practice some of that MMA training on ya!

No, that’s not her Halloween costume. That’s her. I told you Boo was in a goth phase.

Ok, I kid. But yesterday (not Halloween) she wore a red lace gown with a black veil and black lipstick.

So dressing up like this wasn’t much of a stretch for my gothy five year old!